just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
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