my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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