We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
