would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
We need to rekindle our bromance
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
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