i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Randomize
