i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
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