I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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