I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
