the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
