My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
