you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Randomize
