Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Randomize
