she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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