After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
