i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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