his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
