I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
