so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
