I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Everything about him screamed your future.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
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