why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
