Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Are we in a gay sports bar?
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
