My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
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