yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
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