shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Randomize
