just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Rumble strips road head = magical
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
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