Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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