508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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