3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Randomize
