i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
