This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
