I faked an abortion last night.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
