Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Randomize
