I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
