People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
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