The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Randomize
