I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
