Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
