apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
of course. lets lasso hookers.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
