I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Randomize
