I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
