I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
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