He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
