You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
