She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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