I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
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