Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
