and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
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