it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
