She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
