His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Randomize
